Being a teenager has always been tough, and parenting a teen isn’t much easier. Every generation of teens goes through major physical, emotional, and mental changes that can feel overwhelming. But today’s teens are facing something new—growing up in a digital world.
As kids around them start getting smartphones and social media accounts, parents often struggle with big questions: Will social media hurt my child’s mental health? Will not allowing it make them feel left out? Will they just find a way to use it anyway?
These concerns are even bigger for parents of teen girls. Before social media, magazines and TV set unrealistic beauty standards that made girls feel like they had to look a certain way. Now, social media bombards them with filtered photos, edited videos, and influencers showing off seemingly perfect lives. It can be really difficult for young women to avoid comparisons that harm their self-esteem.
Social media has its upsides—it helps teens connect, learn, and express themselves—but it also comes with pressures that can affect their mental health. Over the years, I’ve worked with many teenage girls on these issues, and while their struggles—wanting to fit in, figuring out who they are, and dealing with friendships—have stayed the same, social media amplifies everything. They now have constant access to their peers, endless opportunities for comparison, and instant feedback—both good and bad—at all hours of the day.
But we’re not powerless and young women are strong! We can help girls build healthy digital habits so they get the positives without so much of the negative. At the Digital Wellness Lab, we research how technology affects young people’s mental, emotional, and social health. We also talk to teens about their online experiences and listen to what they need to feel safe and happy online.
High school students on our Student Advisory Council tell us that social media, when used wisely, can make them feel inspired and connected. They use it to keep up with friends, explore their interests, and find supportive communities. This shows that instead of banning social media, the best approach might be helping girls learn to use it in a smart and balanced way, so that they are able to learn the key skills they will need when they are fully independent online.
So, how can parents help their children, and especially their daughters, build a healthy relationship with social media? Here are some strategies we’ve learned through our research and clinical work:
Create a Positive Online Space: Encourage your teen to follow people and pages that make her feel good about herself. If she notices certain accounts causing stress or self-doubt, she should unfollow, mute, or block them. Help her recognize when social media is adding to her happiness versus bringing her down.
Set Intentions and Boundaries: Ask your teen what she likes about certain apps and why she is opening one. Is she looking for inspiration or just scrolling out of habit? Help her set healthy boundaries, like turning off notifications, avoiding screens during meals, and keeping devices out of the bedroom at night. Small changes can make a big difference.
Encourage Positive Interactions: Talk to your daughter about using social media to spread kindness. If a conversation online gets stressful or upsetting, remind her it’s okay to step away. Encourage her to block or report people who are negative or harmful.
Teach Media Literacy: Help your teen to understand that much of what she sees online is edited or staged. Filters, Photoshop, and even AI can create unrealistic images. People often only share their best moments, making their lives look perfect when they’re really not. Learning to recognize this can help her enjoy social media without feeling like she has to measure up.
Model Good Digital Habits: Your own tech and media habits set an example. Show her that it’s okay to take breaks, spend time offline, and prioritize real-world activities. Set family rules like no phones at the dinner table or putting screens away before bed to create a healthier balance.
Be a Safe and Trusted Adult: Remind your teen that she can come to you with questions and for support when she encounters difficult situations online. Provide a safety net so that, when she makes mistakes, she can work with you to find solutions without experiencing highly negative punishments (like completely losing phone access). This will ensure that your teen feels safe to approach you for help into the future.
We can help our young women to feel empowered to take control of their digital spaces for safety and healthy outcomes. By having open conversations, setting boundaries, and encouraging critical thinking, parents can help their daughters make social media a positive part of their lives rather than a source of stress. Instead of fearing technology, we can teach young women to navigate it with confidence, making sure they get the best out of it while avoiding its pitfalls.
Cori Stott is the Executive Director of the Digital Wellness Lab at Boston Children’s Hospital, where she leads the Lab’s strategic direction, operational management, programmatic planning and initiatives, and industry collaboration. She is also responsible for fundraising, communications, and team leadership. Since Cori joined the Lab in 2021, the organization has significantly grown in size, research capacity, and influence.
After earning a degree in Psychology from Wellesley College, Cori pursued a career in social science research and youth development, eventually earning a Masters in Education from Harvard University, with a focus on Prevention Science in Adolescence.
While working in a role focused on strategy and governance at the Denver Public Schools, Cori earned an MBA from the University of Colorado and began to shift her professional focus to the development, growth, and management of youth-focused organizations. Prior to joining the Digital Wellness Lab, Cori worked as the Managing Director of Strategy and Operations at Transforming Education, a Boston-based non-profit focused on integrating social-emotional learning into educational systems.
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