Our Gracie got her first smartphone when she was ten years old. We wanted to wait, terrified of the creeps and porn and the rest of it. But she needed to contact us for pickup from dance, and that’s how her friends connected. Without a phone, she got left out of plans and private jokes. She was feeling more and more alone, and we worried she was depressed. We caved. We couldn’t take the begging and crying. We tried to do it smartly, starting with a phone and no social media. We read articles about risks and checked her phone regularly. We insisted she wait until she was 13-year-old for social media. We allowed only YouTube and TikTok to start. She’s loved it and quickly started feeling better. Two years later, it doesn’t seem unreasonable to allow Instagram. She’s 12 now, so it’s maybe a little early. We’ve talked to her about it a lot. She rolls her eyes, but I think she gets it. She’s smart and funny and social. We are confident she’ll be fine. At least we hope so…
And there it is, the way it happens for most families now. As a screen safety expert, mom, and psychologist, I get it. We all outsource to our phones: for memory, entertainment, navigation, design, communication. When’s the last time you memorized a phone number or planned a trip with a paper map? We are cyborgs and so are our kids. Digital fluency is part of life and a critical element to education, especially now. Screen restriction until high school may be wise, but it isn’t an option for most families. We survived running around town with our friends unsupervised.
The short answer is . . . that it can be. Preventing screen-loving kids from wandering into a dangerous digital neighborhood isn’t always possible, especially at the beginning. We are too busy, and they are too clever for us to supervise everything they do online. Even the best tech tools have workarounds. But there is one step you cannot miss if you think they are ready for social media, teaching them judgment and accountability like we do before they are allowed to drive a car. What does driving city streets have in common with browsing the internets?
As a psychologist who treats digital injury (psychological harm resulting from internet use), I would argue it does. Like driving a car, browsing the internet can cause significant injury. But instead of a concussion, we see kids succumbing to anxiety, depression, and body image problems linked to cyberbullying, radicalization, and compare-and-despair.
Also like driving, kids browsing the internet can wander into any kind of digital neighborhood making friends from faraway places. Most of the places they visit are cool, with fun friends, creativity, and harmless excitement. But there are also digital neighborhoods that would horrify us. Dangerous people like predators and traffickers may be common there and so is intensely violent and explicit sexual content.
Kids who’ve learned the traffic laws from driver’s training and practiced for many hours with invested parents and trained experts are safer. They are so much safer that government requires these prerequisites before getting a state-issued driver’s license. Doesn’t it make sense to offer the same support for screen use?
Yes, we could keep them off screens and avoid the issue altogether. Yet, also like a car, the internet offers access to learning opportunities that help us thrive. Despite the risk of accidents, we browse because we refuse to miss out on that great job, amazing discovery, and healthy social connections. Our kids feel the same way about their screen devices.
If allowed to browse with little training, more accidents seem certain. That is why my private practice is flourishing. Treatment doesn’t erase trauma; instead, it helps with coping. Once a child experiences danger on the internet, that memory never goes away. Our best options for child screen safety lie in prevention.
We can require internet training! Like driver’s training, our online Social Media Readiness Course offers education about digital risk as well as tools for psychological wellness.
Specifically, our GKIS subscribers get:
I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.
Dr. Bennett is a screen safety expert who teaches families how to strengthen relationships AND achieve screen sanity. She is founder and CEO ofGetKidsInternetSafe (GKIS) and author of Screen Time in the Mean Time: A Parenting Guide to Get Kids and Teens Internet Safe.
In her work as a clinical psychologist over 25 years, she sees the impacts of digital injury and how to treat and prevent it. After being distracted by the loss of her parents, she needed answers for her own kids; shame-free, actionable strategies that work. They weren’t out there. Instead she found speakers who focused on scare-tactics and extreme no-screen recommendations. Being a mom herself, she knew these approaches led to eye-rolls, conflicts, and a damaged parent-child relationship. Her approach for GKIS is, instead, based on information that is science-based with parenting strategies that are outcome-based and tested with real families. Her CSUCI research and teaching complement her feet-on-the-ground warm and practical real life skill set. She is currently on Facebook’s Youth Advisory Team, consults with experts in technology and education, and has served as Global Ambassador of TeenSafe. Her television and radio appearances, keynotes, blog articles, and online parenting programs make a powerful impact on families. When she’s not working, she spends much of her time driving her teenager to get fast food as she tells him how unhealthy fast food is.
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